Hey You!

So, it's been awhile, hasn't it!

Let me start with saying I hope you're all staying safe and are well. It's been tough these last few months for a lot of people, in many different ways.

For me, it's been tough mentally if anything. I haven't been outside my garden since the kids' last day of school back in March. There's that much crap bene thrown around I don't know what to believe anymore. Just had my first weekend out my house. I needed a break! Haha.

My husband was sent back home from training, as lovely as it was having him home all the time, I knew he was stressed with being pushed back and having to do online training, which isn't the best when what you're learning is more practical. It was never hard on our relationship though as we are what you call 'solid' and we've been living together now for 10 years. Exactly 10 years in-fact as we moved in together in august 2010. Good god! Also, we both new he wasn't suppose to be home at this point. Bit of a shitty situation, but, we kept each others spirits up.

It's also affected the kids. Throughout all of this, everybody has been complaining of minor things like the pubs, working from home, the kids not being in school, places closing... places opening. BOG ROLL...really. I'm not saying these are something not to complain about. I have myself, but, nobody or not a lot of people have stopped to think about how it's affected the younger lot.

One day they go to school, the next they hear about this really bad virus. Then, one day they don't go to school and haven't been in months. Now, I've tried to explain the very best I can to my kids about this virus without getting to the point and saying things that will scare them. Explaining why we can't go to the park, why they can't see their friends and grandparents and also, why we have little food in as everybody has overstocked and taken all the delivery slots. At least people finally calmed down with that.

I didn't send them back in July as personally, I didn't see the point. They would of gone back for 2 weeks, and then it was the school holidays, only one of them was going back, the other wasn't as they hadn't opened that class back up. I thought it was more hassle than it's worth explaining to a child why the other is going to school and their not. My kids love school. Argument central! Then there was the fact of I have 4 kids in one routine, to chuck then in another for 2 weeks then to another for 6 then god knows what. My kids, my decision.

Now, for me. This whole thing has been draining. Mentally draining. With having 4 kids its not like I go out much anyway so being inside all the time hasn't really bothered me. I like my own space and I can't deal with being in public places. My social life is the school runs, so I've missed them. Guess that's mainly due to being able to get rid of the kids for the day! Hey don't judge, school is mandatory Haha!

Now, I love my kids, they are my world and they keep me going, everything I do is for them. But, my...fucking...god!! They drive me insane. They have not made this last few months easy. Constantly fighting and arguing, breaking things. Yes I know, they are kids, they do this, but the fact I couldn't just take them to the park or go somewhere for them to let off steam. To be honest even if the parks were open, the ones near me are always full of teenagers, druggies and they just get vandalised. The field near me is completley caked in dog crap, no place for kids. Eventually they got bored of the garden, started saying it was too hot. We don't have the biggest of houses, for 6 people it's a bit cramped and hardly any storage, so they only have so many toys. When they are at school they come home to their toys and play with them for about an hour or so. With being at home all day, everyday, for months, now they are bored of their toys. So trying to find things to keep them entertained has started being a struggle.

Due to me running after them all day, day after day, by the time they go to bed. I'm fucked! I didn't get on chaturbate much, haven't been on twitch since hitting Affiliate. Sometimes I feel like I'm letting you all down with not being online. The last few weeks I've pulled myself together a bit and got back online. Will be starting back on Twitch soon too. Can't sit moping about forever. Since my husband went back, I've just lost all energy. I've lost all focus and just taking it day by day. I've been a mother of 4 for a while and I've done a pretty goo job. Even when he was working all day I coped. He was back home that night. Right now, it's all on me. Just feel like I'm struggling to cope right now.

BUT! I see the light! It's now nearing the end of August and they start back at school in a week or 2. Sanity awaits me Yippee!! How long they are back at school for nobody knows, they recon there will be a second wave, who knows. All I now is I will be able to clean and possibly even have a minute here and there to myself without 4 little people say Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum one after the other.

I will hopefully be blogging more from now as I've sorted my old laptop out. It's been hard to be able to write it up on the PC, I've just not had time. Although this thing has had it's time. Took me many attempts to get it working, and now I have to put it on sleep when not in use or it won't switch back on for ages. The battery pack over heats, if I move the laptop the screen freezers, so it's sat and left on the kitchen side. I refuse to move it no Haha. 1 out of the 3 USB ports work, the disc reader doesn't work, I tired to do a factory reset, won't let me. It's slow as hell.

I used this laptop everyday for years to play WoW on. It's had it, so looking at a new one but there is so many and I'm not so clued up on laptops, talk to me about PC's.

Anyway, keep safe everybody.

All my love

Kay

x