My Life As It Is

Hey, I know it's taken a while to finish this, mainly as I'm so busy and can't just sit blogging, I seriously need to sort a new laptop out! But also, I've been in such a happy place, this stuff brings me down.

Let's continue, and hopefully finish.

So yea, he kicked me out, all my belongings fit into 1 black bag. Awesome! I literally had nowhere to go at this point. My friend picked me up in his car, and I started ringing people see if they could help. My best friend at the time said I could stay at hers for a night or to that helped massively. I ended up talking to my cousin. well, not blood family, she is my mums' goddaughter and her mum I call my aunt so I call her my cousin. So sort of close. anyway, they said I could stay as she knows my mum would have done the same. I wasn't allowed home at this point still so that wasn't an option. Not that I could if I was allowed. I stayed there for just over 2 weeks, and it was fun, Eventually, I had come to the end of my time here. End of the day she isn't my mum and couldn't afford to keep me there all the time. So off I went!

Here we are again, my friend picking me up in the car and now I'm at the point where I was panicking. I rang my best friend again to see if she could help for another night or two. She was at her grandparents so not much she could do. My friend and I just drove around roaming whilst I tried to find somewhere. I couldn't go back to his as I was only 15 and he was 18 so even though we were just friends his parents would go nuts!

My best friend ended up ringing me back and saved me that night. It was dark and options were running out. Her grandparents had a caravan in their back garden and her and her sister sometimes sleep in it. So they said they could sneak me in so at least I had somewhere to sleep. We drove over, sneaked in the caravan which all we did was giggle, how we didn't get caught I have no idea. Got settled in there for the night and that was that.

Now the next morning they ended up leaving early and I was in there alone. So there I am just laid under the covers when the door opens...Her grandad came in to clean up and wash the covers etc and there I was trying to be quiet hoping he would for some reason go back out again so I could dark for it. Anyway, he clocked me obviously and told me to get out. I ran out with my bag, ran down the street and hid in the bush. I rang for a lift so I could getaway. He turned up and he took me for breakfast.

This bit is such a blur. I don't even know how it all happened I just know bits. It all happened so fast so please bare with me as it may jump a bit and you may wonder well how did that happen, and the answer is...I don't even know myself.

So at some point, my friends' grandad had rung Social Services, who were already involved within my case anyway so knew who I was. I'd spoke to me friend and she told me everything. After that, I have no recollection what happened or how or anything, the only thing I remember from then is I ended up in a car with a Social worker who took me to a Safehouse miles away. It was a house that was for women in domestic violence and needed a getaway. SafeatLast it was called, a women's refuge.

This was a tough time for me. I wasn't allowed my phone, I wasn't allowed contact with anybody outside this house. It was just the refuges' rules. I was there with a worker, who take shifts, sometimes two workers if a one was male obviously. I was confined to this house. I watched films, they didn't have live tv. I read books. We played board games. They were really nice to me, the said they never really spoke to most of the women who came here as they never stayed that long, I was the youngest person to be here. The female worker ended up being here every day to make me feel more comfortable. She took me food shopping so I could get out due to being there so long, so every day we walked to the local shop for some goodies for that night. In such a short time we became like friends. I know we couldn't be, but she was there when I needed somebody to talk to and to just listen. We shared stories and I remember one night it was me comforting her. I can remember her crying and me telling her everything was going to work out for her. I also remember her crying when I left and hoped things worked out for me one day.

I was only supposed to be at this house for the weekend until the social worker could find me somewhere a bit more...permanent. I was here for over two weeks. In the process, they ended up finding my uncle (mums brother) who I don't know. Hasn't seen me since I was a baby so I don't remember him. They were going to see if he would take me in but didn't want to put with strangers. which contradicts what they did, in the end, a bit. Anyway, I was passed from police to social to police to social. Eventually, they found a place for me. I was taken back to my home town, and we stopped outside this house. Just a normal house with normal people inside. Both a woman and a man come out and stood there smiling...who are they!

The social worker took me inside behind them and basically said this is where I will be staying from now on and left...they were foster parents. They were just a normal family, they had 3 children of their own, one who lived down the road, and also another foster child. They introduced everyone and showed me to my room. I stayed there for the rest of the day. All I knew was apparently we were all going to London tomorrow as a "family"

So this is it then. This was my new "family"

In all honesty, though, they all seemed lovely. Welcomed me with open arms, I mean they took me to London the morning after arriving. They bought me some smokes for the day, their daughter took me to the shops and we had a blast, I got some new bits, and something I never thought I'd do, I got a bag...for £120...for school...WHAT THE HELL!!

So, had a blast in London, had a lovely rest of the week getting school uniform, just over one week left and it was the time I dreaded, going back to school after the summer I just had. I'd not spoken to anybody since I got taken away. In all fairness, they never asked me how I was, what was happening, so it wasn't like they gave a damn anyway. The only person who showed any signs of caring, was my male friend who gave me lifts. he was the only one that knew what was happening, he was the only one who asked. This next week, I wasn't at my new "home" they had a holiday booked before I showed up and I didn't have a passport or I could have gone. So I spent the last week of the summer holidays in rest bite at another foster house. I tried to stay out as much as possible, stay out of trouble and be back on time. I just spent most of my time either in town or at the ice rink. The day before I went back to school I was shifted back to my placement house, they'd got back the night before but it was late so I just waited till the next day. Wasn't too bothered how their holiday was, so only came out of my room for tea and smokes. They were busy rushing around washing, unpacking and sorting school stuff out. I'd sorted mine already.

Now I'm not going to go on about day to day crap. Went back to school, everybody's asking questions and I'm more or less telling them to piss the fuck off. I ain't interested, they didn't show any interest if I was ok, what gives you the right to now! I guess this is also where I went off the rails a bit. I didn't ever go to the morning register. My wonderful ex was there. So I stayed outside school smoking till the first lesson. Didn't go to many classes but in all honesty most of this timing I can't remember. To do with school anyway. The main part around this timing I can remember is my foster parents eldest son, who lived down the road, trying to get down my pants in an alleyway...here we fucking are again!

All My Love