This Is My Story

Before I start I just want to thank a very special, beautiful and strong person for giving me the inspiration and courage to tell my story. A story of part of my life I ignore and keep blocked out but has made me the person I am today, some good and some bad.

Half an hour has passed and I'm still sat here thinking, how the hell do I start this...let's get this thing started!

OK, so. When I was 14, I met this boy at school. I'm not going to say it wasn't love, as, at that age, that is what you see love to be. Only later in life, you realise that was not love. Not true not anyway. We must have been dating about 6 months, spent the summer holidays together, Christmas, new year etc. It was about a week before my 15th birthday, we ended up, "moving things forward" let's say.

This is basically just a back story, but we ended up having sex, wasn't in the traditional places, like in a house. But it happened. Not one of my proudest moments.

My parents ended up finding out, they took my phone away as I was home 5 minutes late. I was never aloud out as a child. Since meeting this boy they started giving me a bit of freedom, going to the movies, going to his house etc.. Eventually I was actually aloud out with a group of friends too and go Ice-skating with them after my mum had met them. At that age, embarrassing. I spent most of my childhood grounded for the most ridicules things, another way of them keeping me from going out. If I was not home on the dot, grounded.

So yeah, I was a few minutes late home that night, they ended up taking my phone, and reading messages and finding out what we were saying and to them 'planning' As I wasn't allowed my phone, or to go out, I and this boy ended up writing noted in a book together. Looking back on it now, at 26 I cringe with the things we wrote at that age. After my Dad taking me to the doctors to put me on the pill, and finally getting un-grounded. I was allowed out again, well, he was aloud round to mine. He'd bought me a ring. It wasn't an engagement ring, we were 15. More of a promise ring. My Mum went mental. So he got sent home, I was grounded again and they basically ransacked my bedroom of took away everything other than my school stuff and essentials. In doing that they found this book. She read it, my Mum lost it. Ended up in a massive row which then led to her physically pinning me to the ground and taking this ring off my finger. I'd bent my finger so she couldn't get it off and then all I felt was a punch to the face. She hit me, she hit me again, and again. My ice skate was laid next to me and all I could feel was this sharp point digging into me, the tugging on my finger, punches to the face and this muffled shouting at me. Eventually, I did the only thing I could, and kicked her back and ran to the bathroom. As a skater my legs are strong, they always have been and they still are now. Bit off subject but whenever I've had play fights with anybody my legs have been my advantage. My husband always goes to hold my legs down before anything. It's quite funny. Back to it...I ran to the bathroom. My finger was bleeding from her trying to rip the ring off, my arm was bleeding from my Skate pick piercing into my skin. I just took the ring off, came out chucked her the ring and went downstairs.

I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed my phone out the draw, grabbed her cigs, put on my coat and shoes, got my bag and shut the door behind me. I ran to his house as I didn't have anywhere else to go. But once his mum came home she wasn't having it. So I ended up getting taken back home. I just went up to my room and didn't come out till the next morning.

So, the next morning. I didn't bother with anything I just got my stuff and went to school. Walking into school everybody's looking at me. This isn't normal, as normally nobody even gives me the time of day. Wondering what the fuck they're all looking at. I go to my little group of friends and ask for a lighter. Again they all just stared at me. One of them handed me a mirror out of her bag. Well, I won't be able to hide this.

Turns out as I was walking into the school, everybody was starring at me as I've got a black eye and a swollen cheek with a nice purple and blue bruise on it. I told them the basics of what happened and went off to form for register. Both my boyfriend and best friend at the time were in the same form as me so of course, he saw the end result from the night before. Well, everybody ended up finding out as my best friend could never keep her gob shut about anything. The teaches ended up finding out, seeing it and called me into their office. Though I didn't end up going, I walked out of school. I was never one for skipping class, never mind the whole day. This was the start of many. I don't know what really happened in my head, but I sort of went into, 'I don't give a shit' mode after this. My boyfriend ended up meeting me out front and we went wondering, He looked old enough so he got me some cigs and we ended up going to his grandparent's house after 3 pm so it didn't look like we'd skipped school. We sat down and spoke to them, told them what had happened and they said I could stay for a bit till things calmed down.

So that was me for the night. Back at school the next day I ended up talking to my Headteacher, year tutor and form tutor about what had happened. As their duty of care, they had to inform Social Services who also contacted the police. My Mum had put me as a missing person with me not showing up back home. I ended up cutting school again later that day and just riding around on busses to pass the time to go back to his grandparent's house.

By that point school new I wasn't in, so they had been making calls, talking to the people I hung around with and ended up finding out I was staying with his Grandparents. They said they would help me and be there for me as much as possible. So the Police came round that night, they ended up taking me to the station to take photos of my face and any other injuries and to take my statement of what had happened. The one memory of that night I laugh about is when we were waiting for the other officer to come to the car, the officer stood with me asked if I smoke, I said yes but I don't have any on me. She said, well I'm not supposed to do this but after that I'm guessing you need one, just make sure you stub it out before he gets back. Something so little, naughty, but I would never forget it. So they took me back to his Grandparents house and said that I could stay there while they spoke to my parents and see if we could resolve it.

A week had gone by, I'd not skipped school and my eye was starting to go weird colours as it was healing. Now on this particular night, it's one I will never forget, also one I like to block out.

We were all sat having tea and the door knocks. The social worker and 2 Police officers were there, the same 2 from the other week who took me for my statements. The social worker said she had spoken to my parents and wanted to take me back home to see if we could resolve this together and move past it. Not gonna lie, my heart sank a little. I packed up all my things as she said and the officers put them in the boot of the car ( I'd been shopping as I had nothing with me) and I jumped in. The whole way back to the house I was shaking and I was scared. As we pulled down my street I started panicking, there's my house...Fuck!.

They told me to wait in the car and went to knock on the door. My mum had this massive bush in the front garden and they parked just off from the house so I couldn't see the door from where I was. 10 minutes went by and they came back and got in the car. When they sat down they looked at each other and sighed. All they said was 'so we are just going to nip back to the station for 2 minutes, there's nothing to worry about. He didn't drive past the house he reversed and turned around. What was going on!

On the drive back I kept seeing little glances to each other, and also in the rear-view mirror at me. We stopped, but it wasn't at the station and it wasn't back at where I was staying. We were at the building where social services were based. I sat and waited on the chair whilst the officers went and spoke to the head of social and my key worker in a room. Will somebody please just tell me what's going on and what's with all the private conversations!

Eventually, I got called in. I sat down to all 4 of them giving me a warm but sad smile. They tried sugar coating and trying not to say exactly what was said, which just made it all confusing. So I just said will you say it to me straight, please.

What was said was, when they said I was in the car and they were here to put us together and talk, my Dad turned around and said I wasn't welcome in the house ever again. They tried talking to him again, and he said, he doesn't want me and I am no welcome. I am no longer part of the family. In fact, his exact wording was

"I don't want her, she isn't my daughter, she is no longer a part of my family, she's not welcome in this house ever again"

So there we have it, banished from my family at 15. They ended up taking me back to my boyfriends' Grandparents house and explaining what had happened. Said I was more than welcome to stay as long as needed. The Police and social were happy with that, as long as I was in a room on my own, due to age and gender etc. Which was fine as they had enough bedrooms. One being dedicated as a girls room. So that's where I stayed. Little did I know this was just the start of the shit I had coming for me.

I'm going to leave it here for this one as it's pretty long and it's not so easy writing this. So till next time.

All my love